just as i am

See!

2008-03-26T13:46:00.003+08:00

WoW! Its been a very long while since i last posted. No one probably comes here anymore but anywho's here i am. And i just realised something in the last couple of days that YOU were soooo wrong to have "warned" me to "tread cautiously" about your then best friend and HIS GF, when now, you are the third party! YOU broke up a perfectly good couple that had it in them to be together forever.

Yes, i do believe you cannot steal someone who doesn't want to be stolen, but nonetheless. What you did was wicked and so wrong. It goes against everything.

So, how dare YOU? How dare YOU warn me? So yes the both of you were meant to be.

And in my opinion, it is great training for YOU to be a home-wrecker.

I never hated you, i never spread my hatred for you cos i have none, but people have asked and i told them the truth. I simply do not like what you did to me and HIS gf. IT WAS WRONG!!! and i think its hilarious that you refuse to take responsibility.

These incidences happened eons ago and yes part of me hasn't let it go but i have made progress. haha.. but it put me through a lot of thought and reflection about me, about him, about us and about ppl.

Yes, some have argued where's my confidence. The thing is i feel this has little to do with confidence. Anyone who knows me knows i am confident, i am sure of myself and know exactly what i want and will do whatever it takes to go out and get it.

Do i trust him? I must admit, i had my trust issues due to the incidences but i always knew. I always knew he would never do something like that. And now, he's assurance, assures me.

I believe everything happens for a reason and those incidences happened for a reason. I will never settle for less than i deserve. To me, you were a "teacher" in my life and you taught me a good lesson, a good life lesson. And like most students, i don't like my teachers so much!

PS: i would NEVER sit on my brother's lap. That's just gross man....

siao!

2007-11-07T13:37:00.000+08:00

i feel the same way.
its confusing isn't it.
but we make do with what we are given.
all i can do is do my best.
hope that suffices.

Nag!

2007-11-06T09:17:00.000+08:00

Every week we hear the same thing before we actually get things started.. Once you get started nothing seems to be able to get you to stop! Its crazy... All the same. We still love you though we will continue to complain constantly.

So heather, why have you nothing interesting to blog about? Eh! How can you ask me to blog when you just stopped?? Not fair right.. yea yes ya... but life isn't fair. I know...

But you gotta have Faith FAITH FAITH!!

You'll be safe here.

2007-10-15T11:15:00.001+08:00

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

Letting go: Step 2

2007-10-06T12:59:00.000+08:00

i'm praying there's still a little hope left for us... its going to be the ride of my life.

Letting go: Step 1

2007-09-29T09:07:00.000+08:00

2 weeks before school starts. what a drag! but i am sure its going to be a blast, it has to be.

OMG OMG!! I am giving up 2 weeks in Dubai for school, ok?!?!?! Now, am i crazy or what! Yes, it would have been a fully paid trip to Dubai; of course i will be working but it would be fun work. Photoshoots, shows, dinners, etc!!! I would make sooo much money! but i can't! why? cos school would have started, and i can't miss the first week of school. Bummer!

i've been doing a lot of thinking about life, the people around me and those who mean something to me. it's time to let go! this is the new lesson God wants me to learn. And big guy, its a dang hard lesson, to learn! Letting go of the past, not forgetting the memory of it, but letting go of it and accepting it for what it was.

Growing up; becoming an adult, isn't easy on me or my parents. it's a time for big adjustments and changes. i don't fancy change that much, but i will adapt as i always do. people change to adapt to their surroundings and the people they engage. it just what we do!

i have to say, it has been a good life so far. i have been blessed in so many ways. All the challenges God has sent me, allows me to grow and to realise what my purpose in life is. Yes! i think i know what i want to be when i grow up, finally.

just for my heather!

2007-09-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

so, this weekend was very interesting. there's construction going on right in front of my house; they're building a new condo. and this weekend, they delivered a fruit hamper with a not saying, "Dear Owner, We apologise for all the incovenience caused." And they haven't even completed construction! Ain't that a sweet gesture, it makes you feel thought of, very good management!

working has taken a toll on my body. so ashley and i went for a long overdue massage. and we are contemplating going back for one more!

so today was IS enrolling day, which i almost forgot about, thank God heather reminded me last night! So i got photography and some psychology of creativity thing. hopefully i will find out whether i should seriously pursue photography or just forget it all together. class is at 8am though which is going to be a real head bagging against wall experience.

i can't wait to get my pay and umm.. hmm... i need to clean my room cos i think my organised desk has become heap of stuff now. ok thats it loves!

revelations

2007-09-04T16:46:00.000+08:00

you learn a lot from people, you learn a lot from observing people, you learn a lot just being a person. but most importantly you learn to keep yourself in check every now and again. life is never easy, its not suppose to. we're suppose to make mistakes and learn from them. i think daddy knows that i need to make my own mistakes to learn. well, the past half year has been very very interesting. not as drama as year 1, but it was interesting. working with new people, a new class, new dynamics, new circle of friends, stronger bonds with the old friends. we've all grown up in our own way. i've learnt that some people choose to live their life a certain way and will do so no matter what anybody says or does. its just the way they are. they choose to only see it one way and there's no room for negotiation. i'm excited. everything is going as planned. i'm very excited to see what life has in store for me next. i'm sure i will complain about it along the way. but it excites me to have some direction, to know that there are so many doors open to me! i have all i need right now. i have my family, my friends and ashley. that's all i really need, oh! and i have myself! ahhhh!!! so exciting! ok i miss my babyy! but he's busy working hard so yupp! to the weekend!!!!!!!!

wat a day!

2007-08-31T23:31:00.000+08:00

lets see i got to see the cast of heroes which was quite fun but not worth the wait. then i lost my car! yes, i lost my parked car in vivocity. i couldn't find it. anyways i think daddy should buy me a car!! :) but he won't buy me a phone!!! ok so, i realised a couple of things about people, and just how mean they can be. For instance, a school mate, how he/she was so sneaky and acted so well normal when in fact he/she was pissed. Or another school mate ok well SHE isn't a schoolmate per say. She's just some girl who goes to the same school as me! well, she is hmm.. she's well, a slutty little bitch! ok well enough. i realised i am not much of a blogger anymore. i think its due to the limitations of blogging. i rather just vent to ashley and leave it at that. well, it was a good pleasant day. daddy's home! and i just learnt he's leaving again next week. woots! and when's he bringing me to bangkok??? we'll wait and seee. i rather he buy me a new phone!

americans

2007-08-26T13:53:00.000+08:00

OK i love the USA! but still can these people get any dumber????

watch this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

mommy! its over...

2007-08-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

finally we're done with sem 1 of year 2!! it was such a relief as i walked out of the examination hall. i am so glad. i know i shouldn't have but i bought myself some new clothes :) oh wells, i worked hard, i deserve a little something right.

i feel like i should use this space to tell some people about how i feel but i don't know. you know what, i will! its my blog so here goes!

C.G: i read your blog entry advising me to tread cautiously with D and L. Well, i did nothing wrong. I know for a fact he made it up. so there. i like how you phrased it in a way as if time and time again i am the one in the wrong. when all along it was you. I am a girl, on my way to becoming a lady. I deserve to be treated with respect. As a lady i do not sit on guys lap and act intimately with them when they are not my boyfriend. I was brought up to respect my body, and so i do not cheapen myself. And by acting intimately, in front of me no less, you not only disrespected me; but you disrespected your supposed "close" friend. I believe everything happens for a reason and you make the choices in your life. so if you want, go ahead and do what you did to him or to any other guy you want. I trust him completely and all you are achieving is making the world (outside your inner circle) look at you as a cheap girl. i've finally been able to make peace out of all this. and that's it. listen to me or not. its your life and i wish you all the best.

D: i don't know why you made up that lie, but its okay. if you need to make up a lie about me to prove something. that's your perogative.

The "plastics": you bunch of people are mean! you guys know what you did and i know i did nothing wrong. so i forgive you. its your sin to make.

My sweet lovelies (devilettes): you girls are my foundation. i am so glad to have found you. each of you have a special place in my heart.

Anisah: about 13 years of friendship! heres to 100 more! love you babe! and hurry back damn it!

Sarah: babes! you know how much you mean to me rights? your one tough girl. your dad would be so proud.

Silvia: i know we almost never see each other now, but i'm glad you called that night and we talked. coffee soon, promise.

Daphne: i know you are far far away, but we always still think about you and remember your blur-ness. loves you

Raudha: We had our differences but i am glad after 5 years of 'friendship' we've learnt to finally be friends.

Teleri: a life time worth of memories, your the sister i always wanted!

Heather: a great friend. i am so glad we worked through the whole writcomm thing. cos you are a dear dear friend.

Cassie: cous! im sorry for what happened, i am still learning. Im glad we talked and worked it out. i love you and i am calling you on sunday morning! your time!

Kara: can you try to not grow up so fast?? please....

Leon: Thanks for being a "mentor" advising me every step of the way. I hope Taiwan works out for you! loves you!

Tony: Finally right! well brother i love you and i miss you! so bring me back a box full of krispy kremes kays!!!

Mama and the daddy: awesome parents! i love you!

Ashley: hmm... i wurf you!

that's all for now! the end of a new chapter.

worn out

2007-08-01T15:46:00.000+08:00

i am worn out, down and out.
its too much sometimes.
i just can't cope.
i know, i'm almost at the end.
but i see myself breaking, breaking apart.
its so hard, to see whats real.
its so hard, to keep on going.
i feel like giving up, but i know i just can't.
i need to stay focused and finish what i started.
i know i can do this..
i know i can, with you by my side.

i really don't know what to do without you.

education

2007-08-01T14:04:00.000+08:00

Some people should seriously just work in the private sector. As an educator your job is to educate. As a student, i am suppose to question, to explore, to learn more! To learn i HAVE to question damn it! Can't you people see that. Its so sad when you have so many educators out there who are doing it just cause they can't get a job anywhere else. Seriously! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I am soooo pissed right now! Argh! Some people should just return to their mother land or disappear! Argh! ok fuck...

Meant to be

2007-07-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

2 birds, 2 people, 2 locations.

we both got bird shit on us today. Now, that's more than just a coincidence.

the non-friend

2007-07-26T16:45:00.000+08:00

you undermind me. fine!

friends who leave, were never friends to begin with.

bad day??

2007-07-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

So today was interesting, very interesting. it started with waking up to a very weird dream, ok dream being an understatement. it was more like a nightmare. but anyways thats besides the point. i thought it was a sign to a bad day, but it turned out pretty okay. and ashley assured me that it was just a dream, and as i choose to believe dreams are the opposite of reality.

so we got an A for our comm iss presntation. GO GROUP!!! it was kinda funny cos mr bhangras was like you uys must have put in a lot of hard work in this cos it looks like it, and we were all like umm..ummm yea! totally! haha

ok then i had the weirdest hi-bye conversation with Alexis at the co-op. she said hi as i walked in headed straight for the snacks, we did not look at each other. and as i left she was behind looking at pens or penises of whatever haha and i was like bye alexis. no eye contact whatsoever! it was nice but really odd. but thats sooo alexis!

so here i am after radio sitting at my favourite spot in school blogging cos well i felt like it!

tuesday

2007-07-17T10:26:00.000+08:00

so on the way to school today i was already late and was on lane 1 on the ECP. i heard sirens and was waiting to see an ambulance drive by in the opp direction. Then i realised the sound became louder, and i looked in the mirror and saw AMBULENCE! and i was like shit! its behind me. so i quickly moved to the left lane and said a little prayer for the person the ambulence was for.

Then when i exited the ECP at clementi at the light there was another one behind me and i was like shit! do i need to change lanes? but haha i didn't. no sirens, no lights, no emergency. thank god. so i was 15 min late for school.

i miss you so so much. i am achin again. am counting down the hours till i next see you smile.

hmm...

2007-07-17T10:23:00.000+08:00

person 1: not talking to me cos of something i did not say.
person 2: turned all the blame on me for something you did.

so why am i still with you? Because no one else matters but you and i.

boredom

2007-07-13T17:07:00.000+08:00

A is for age:
- 19.

B is for beer of choice:
- belly?

C is for career right now:
-events for now ONLY.

D is for what you dreamt last night
- umm nothing...

E is for perfume item you use everyday:
- dior.

F is for favorite TV show at the moment:
- greys

G is for favorite game:
- super mario!

H is for Home town:
- Singapore

I is for instruments you play:
- piano.

J is for favourite juice:
- watermelon

K is for whose butt you’d like to kick:
- ashley. he he.. its a sign of affection. really!

L is for last place you eat:
- canteen 1.

M is for music:
- i love music. who doesn't?

N is for next trip you will be taking:
- umm... clementi?

O is for overnight hospital stays:
- kawasaki disease, headaches.

P is for people you were with today:
- Classmates and friends.

Q is for quote:
- choices have consequences.

R is for Biggest Regret:
- wasting my life away.

S is for status:
- taken.

T is for time you woke up today:
- 6 30 argh!

U is for the color of your umbrella:
- silver!

V is for vegetable you love:
- carrots.

W is for worst habit:
- my temper.

X is for x-rays you’ve had:
- teeth, brain, stomach, heart.

Y is for yummy food you eat today:
- umm.. im going to eat you char kuey!

Z is for zodiac sign:
- Aquarius

siao

2007-07-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

in all the madness you are my one constant.
in all my craziness you are my sanity.
in the depths of my heart you are my life.

thank you for sticking with me through everything. i know its been a rough couple of weeks and things are going to heat up as we get closer to the end of sem 1. but things will get better and we're going to have a bad ass break! i promise. thank you for everything. i know i have my moments, a lot these days. and still all you do is love me. change is happening. you're my everything (yes, like the song). so sunday huh... ...

2007-06-28T13:23:00.000+08:00

at the end of the day we just make do with what we have.

time

2007-06-20T18:09:00.000+08:00

time is all but still,
it just keeps on moving.
moving forward, without looking back.
time changes everything.
time forces us to grow.
grow older, oh if only,
if only we could grow younger.
time waits for no man,
but i'm glad i waited for you.
time is what we have.
and eternity i keep for you.

piss of whore!

2007-06-17T17:45:00.000+08:00

i don't see the point in being nice to people i do not like. i have always thought so and will continue to. way too many people, esp in MCM do that. they ar enice and friendly to ppl at face value. but for me you see, i just can't. i can't bring myself to be nice to you when you are well, not a nice person. so i don't. don't get me wrong, i will talk to you if you spoke to me. i just won't hug you or ask you how you are or anything like that. that's just the way i am. so there! i don't like you, so maybe now you can piss off from my life!

bang!

2007-06-15T17:24:00.001+08:00

some people aught to be shot!

i'm still learning.

2007-06-08T16:09:00.000+08:00

some times its better to say nothing. that i think i have finally learnt.

Thank you ms wee!
Thanks Ashley, you humble me, i love you!

I'm still learning so forgive me when i fail.

plans

2007-06-03T15:02:00.000+08:00

i've started making plans for me, for us, for my career, for my family, for my life. it scares me that i have unconsciously planned out my life. i know what i want, i know who i want to be part of it. i hope it goes the way i planned it, though i know it won't. things never go as planned. there are only 2 things that i need to happen. only 2! and it will. it's funny cos at the end of the day people or a person will always look at me, point her finger at me and call me "a bitch", "immature", "childish", etc. But at the end of the day, how many other people are calling you worse? at the end of the day how many people will stand by you? and how many will stand by me? At the end of the day, yes i am 19, but oh how much i enjoy being a child again. Being childish keeps me sane, keeps me rooted, keeps me going.

During an arguement, things get said. People obviosly get bias, people get objective. those involved obviously, more than ever! we all get a little immature during an arguement cos well, when fightings occur, our animal instincts take over. But no, only i was the animal. you were the saint! so someday you will realise that you cannot live life without friends. that you cannot live life without girlfriends.

imagin walking down the isle with your daddy by your side, but wait all those trailing are boys/men, oh wait! one man! sad isn't it. i feel sad for you cos oh one day when school ends, you will realise how much people need people. But that's just me.

Here's is another cheap shot! hope you like it! :) only for you.

Tuesday morning

2007-05-29T10:30:00.000+08:00

Here we are at Starbucks at Holland V instead of in the lecture theatre. First, i was late, so we decided to just forget about lectures and do web d. so here we are. sigh! im so sleepy... okies kristie, stop surfing and lets do work!

lovely.

2007-05-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

It was an amazing weekend, you have no idea. Breakfast on sunday felt soooo good! sigh. i hope we get to do that again soon!

Anyways, it's amazing what people think of themselves. Sigh. It's all part of MCM huh?! but still, you would think better of some people then you realise they can never put down their egos and admit to their wrong doings without trying to justify their actioins. but then again they have their pride to protect which i understand. But i hope to see you again someday soon just so, you know. haha. what will be, will be. i know where we stand, together. we got to where we are today without anyone. just us. so yupps. maybe someday soon you will get to find a fraction of what we have then maybe you will finally understand what its like to be at the other end of the stick.

But that's ok if you don't cos, you do what you need to, to validate yourself. i shall give you the last word, thanks for making this so easy. that last smirk you gave me was like topping on the cake! at the end of the day you lost something but i gained the world. hahahaha another cheap shot to add to my collection along with my unobjective, immature attitude. Hahaha.

eh! this entry has turned into another cheap shot! ooohh tasha, you are on a roll aren't you! siao!

kua kua kua kua.

i truly underestimated you, ohhh the poor people who have yet to realise what they have gotten into. oh wait. maybe i should rephrase that. hmm, why bother!

so you go girl! what we think don't matter! :)

ooohh cheap shots! i like... ...

diff ppl

2007-05-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

Lets see first theres the person with the ego, ok wait, all of us have egos, but they ahve a particularly larger one.there's the people who need constant gratification. there's the ppl that are independent. there are ppl who need to be protected. there are ppl who need the last word. there are ppl who need to be right. there are people that cannot own up for their actions. there are ppl who do. There are ppl who just live without being noticed. there are ppl who are always getting noticed.

There givers and there are takers. What are you?

The Irony

2007-05-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

we are always quick to point the fiinger away. its human instinct to defend ourselves, to justify our action. But at the end of the day, when you are wrong, you are wrong. so many ppl i know got into trouble recently for their choices and they all admit and learn. So admit it, apologise so we can continue living in the present. ironic cos everything you said you see in me, i see in you. your actions have consequences, my choices have consequences. i live by them. i trust my parents have brought me up well. i know my values, i stand by them, i treasure them. i belive in myself, i respect myself. i treat people the way i want to be treated. I have my flaws, i have many. but i do my best to change. i'm constantly changing and learning from my mistakes. i miss my family. been too caught up in my life to meet up with them and chat. sigh! i hope daddy enjoys his trip!

bad mood

2007-05-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

i think you should grow up.

i think i should fuck it cos you're being a real bitch about it.

i think im getting tired of all this.

i am in a crappy mood.

wednesday

2007-05-23T15:49:00.000+08:00

MY BACK HURTSSSS!!!

Kim this is for YOU!
you know the white cubed tofu? you eat that with soya sauce and the dried fish flakes. damn nice you know. yes kim! it's called agadashe tofu! hahahhahahahhaahahaha

Kim: who's that guy from prison break?
Tasha: Wentworth Miller.
Kim: oh. how to spell?
Tasha: went........worth.......miller
Kim: Oh oh oh!!!
Tasha:LoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoL!

ITS OK KIM I STILL LOVE YOU!

i know

2007-05-22T13:23:00.000+08:00

2nd post.

Everyone has opinions. Everyone their own style. Here's mine.

OKay i take pics of myself too but you know i don't constantly put them up. Sometimes i get annoyed cos all i see is you! haha. It gets to a point, where i sit and think OK get over yourself already! its the same pose, its the same face! ok already! i get it, you think you're hot! now, go give me something real to look at, something with a little more substance. But then again that's just me.

And some people should just not bother to have a blog cos they have no opinion, they are oh so guarded and care so much about what people will think. So really, re-think the whole blog thing. Or have an opnion, finally! reading your blog is getting tiring, it lacks substance, lacks depth, lacks personality. Oh wait! you don't have one, rights... OK but that's your perogative. Oh wait, its ok i sympathise.

And to you, stop acting like the all mighty. cos you're not! you're just like anyone of us. so bugger off! stop talking to people in that degrading way.

Oh and one more think. I think people who are big bosses in companies downtown should remember that outside the office, you are an average joe, no different from anyone else. And people who serve you deserve some respect. Cos at the end of the day we are all the same. So stop acting like you're the boss and show some manners you would like your very own children to have. Only in Singapore do you find people stamp their feet and sigh when they have to wait in line, only in singapore do people complain over the smallest of things. OKay i admit i am guilty of that every now and again. But i i do feel bad about it.

So sir, at starbucks. Please show people who serve your coffee a little respect cos they are working for the very same reason you are, to support a family. They do their best. Its people like you that make the service industry so draining. Treat ppl the way you would like to be treated.

Anyways its funny how the older you are the more childish you seem to act. Hmm.. think about it.

Lecture day again...

2007-05-22T12:41:00.000+08:00

Boom! Jean danker came in for lecture! was quite fun!

sigh.

Ok people will be people. Some people those close to me know who, will never change. Ok one or maybe 2 of you are "nicer" but then again you are who you hang out with. YOu know how they say, if you wanna know someone look at their friends. So here i am looking at your grp, your friends. As much as you deny it, you are who they are. So there. i am so over you! all of you are nobodies. YOu are just existing and wasting oxygen, so if one day you have a crappy day and decide to end it all, please o ahead. the world will be a much better place without you. Cos at the end of they day. ppl are ppl. and you are naive, ignorant, egoistic and so much more. So there! now who's having more fun?

We chatted, like we haven't in a while. Well, we never really did. And i don't really care cos i already gave up on you, a long time ago. Now, you are a friend of a friend that all. But nonetheless, the chat was good, though i feel the same. So now, i am scared for you cos i know where you are headed and i know what's going to happen. You are so predictable. So be careful cos you will get hurt, and he well won't care less. So it's your choice to make, its your life to lead, its your consequences to face; when you finally wake up and realise what you have done. You have been warned. But as much as i say i don't care, i always will somewhat. You can count on us, we'll be here when you fall.

I have friends around that truely care. That's all i need. Them. They are always there for me, they may not be the world, but they are my world. They sincerely care. And these people are all i will ever need, besides myself and my family and ashley! so there. I am happy. Very happy actually. So, tasha, just keep doing what you are doing and you'll do just fine... ... !

Here's to the new me!

Woots!

sunday to monday

2007-05-22T00:33:00.001+08:00

Sunday nlb with kristie was fun! though we mostly chatted instead of doing work. coffee was good too! monday came and, here it is. tiring day. many bimbo moments (as usual right). Got a lot done. good dinner, good company, yummy dessert. now... great conversations are about to begin!

Oh and i'm happy for you as you already know. now can i have a hug?

Week 5

2007-05-20T08:08:00.000+08:00

The end of week 5! We have one week of catching up, a "break" before week 7 where our media kit for PR is due and our site for Web D. Thank god PR is due on monday and Web D on friday. Gives us 4 days of breathing time to add the finishing touches to our first individual website! I kinda like school, ok wait i like school. I like my classmate, a lot actually, so if you are reading this and in my class! woots! I like my friends, i miss some of them but we still see each other. I've gotten a lot closer to some people this sem/yr and i'm glad. These people are the kind you want to keep for life! Lecturers are also all damn nice! I like school! haha. i mean that. hope this doesn't jinx things.

So much has happened this week. So much! The Radio magazine was being rushed by the entire cohort, actually its a gd thing its due during tutorial then all the classes are staggered and so the daws get free-er by the day. Anyways although we handed it in a llittle late, we got it done! and i'm happy with it. I am sure there are rooms for improvement and im sure my lecturer will let us knw how we can. But all in all i think we did a good job, right kim, right jo! yay! i'm so proud of us! hahaha. chey... Mind you i was in school from 8 am till like 9 pm on that day, umm thursday!

So the week went on, tutorial, yada yada yada. then came friday. Hmm.. so much happened on friday i don't even know where to begin. Well, for PR we had that test, the writing a news release one, and i think it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be cos i was absent for that tutorial with food poisoning. Then we had newswriting and that class was fun! we discussed an issue of the sunday times life section, we interviewed ms koh and learnt more about here. I thought that lesson was rather nice. Well, i like discussing stuff and getting my opinions out, as ALL of you know. haha.

Hmm.. After that i rushed down for Radio Heatwave! Serena was already there and so was Fiq and 3 year 1 ppl who filmed us for some soc pyc thing. I was kinda taken aback from that as i rushed down from class to see so many ppl in the conty with a camera on our FIRST show! Anyways i thought the show went quite well. Serena's nice and fun to work with, got chemistry one la hor. Haha lets do this babe!

Then sigh. a long story. Anyways went to pick him up and we dropped by his place for lunch cum tea and a little shut eye. hehe then we headed back to school and was there till like 7ish. Shit happens, as much as we don't want it to, as much as we deny it and pretend like it didn't/won't happen, it does. So, we headed to May's place finally. And it was good. I helped Aunty in the kitchen a bit as we chatted. Learnt how to make pepper steak - the french way! and it was good! I ate so much!

We left at 11 ish and headed down to Shawn's house to watch movies, ok we watched one, and left, they spent the night. After eating SO MUCH at May's place cos the food was damn good! We got to Shawn's place and guess who was hungry? ME! I had cup noodles, thanks shawn! i had evry single bite and hmm hmm it was good. i should stop eating so much! but looks like i got my appetite back. Kristie, how bout we pig out soon! We watched Shutter. Which i slept though the whole movie, i catched like the first 5 min. and pretended to be awake till i just was too tired. After the movie, we went home cos i didn't want to drive back home too late. Went down to 7-11 bought some stuff. and Shawn's bought the girls a lolly each! hmm! so sweet right! Then i dropped them off at al-ah-meen(mean) and we drove home. fell asleep almost stright away.

As much as friday had its bleah moments, it was good. i miss chilling out with friends. My sweet lovelies i think its about time we meet for that sleepover. my house also can! how? text me back when you sleepy heads finally get up. ok this is a very long post but i can't sleep so whatevr. my blog what...

Ok SATURDAY was good too! went to parkway with daddy, had lunch and got my hair cut finally and got treatment done! My extremely dry ends are gone! hair's a lot shorter now, but nice, i like. Ashley thinks i should get it cut even shorter. hmm... daddy left first, i took the bus home, haven't done tt in a while. Bought some GREAT buys at parkway. don't worry, you'll see them in time. Then i got home, got dressed, talked to my mommy a bit while i got ready. showed her my GREAT buys and went down to raffles to meet ashley and val, jarryl and jiawei was there too! we had dinner at long john's and their chicken has shrunk, like big time! Then we parted and ashley and i went down to taka for a little more retail therapy. Thank you for the bag! i love it! but love yo more. it a was very very evening. i enjoyed it tremendously! ok so here we are! on sunday morning, its 0838 and i can't sleep. i want to but my body doesn't seem to want the same things i want.

hmm...maybe i should go watch some TV! hmm... laters!

jia wei's mosquito bite and pimple!

:)

done!

2007-05-18T00:52:00.000+08:00

i'm sleep, i'm tired, i'm exhausted, i'm SICK!
My throats in shambles, my nose is blocked or running away, my head hurts.
But RADIO magazine is DONE!

i need a long, good nights rest.
4 late nights in a row, not that great a plan.
dying by the moment, saved by you, again.
Thank YOU!

train rides

2007-05-14T16:51:00.001+08:00

So "SWAY!" today... I had to go all the way to school to submit my MC, long story, and on the train ride back. MY seat got stolen like 5 times. First some "rich tai-tai" (obviously not so rich cos must take MRT) stole the empty seat by pretending not to see me! The second was an old aunty, okay, i wouldn't have taken the seat anyways. Then the third was a mother with like a grom daughter and a pram. Argh! Fourth, Mother with child, i'll stand and let her have the seat. ok fine so the next empty seat will be mine! or so i wished! Empty seat!!!! mine...!!! But ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... nnnnooooo!!!!!! Some girl steal its from ME! ARGH!!!!!!! So angry and irritated and annoyed and argh! 5 different people steal the empty seat from me! What made it worse is that my bag was sooooo heavy cos i borrowed books from the library. So see. Tell me! argh! annoying or what!?!?

ON a brighter note, i am in awe of the so many different ways "meen-nahs" can come up with to change and modify their uniform so its shorter and tighter and well, sexier! SERIOUSLY!! They are so good at it. They can take the plainest, most average looking outfit and change it so its short and tight, and hugs you just where its suppose to. Just notice it next time you are at an interchange or something. I really, sincerly admire their creativity and WoW! the things they can come up with. Salute! (not that i like the style, but you know. "Props!" in Randy Jackson's terms)

getting high on info

2007-05-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

School today was super F-U-N!!! Web D was too, believe it or not! We learnt how to use Fireworks to create a navbar, etc. Much much much easier than using Photohop i must say. school was good. Left my glasses in the ladies, and realised when i was in another class only. Had to run back to look for it, thank god it was still there.

Kim concluded that i got high on too much information in one day. haha you should have seen me in PR when i received more news! haha it was hilarious. but anyways i heard/recieved a lot of information, actually they're more like revelations about people i knew, or thought i knew at least. it was damn funny! information received: was funny and so unexpected and really made my day hahahhahahahahha.

Ok i love wednesdays! web d is fun, for now. PR is too. PR lecturer is super duper nice. if only she could teach us for the whole sem. oh wells... ... oh and Comm Issues yesterday was SOOOO FUNN!!! especially the PoP Quiz... we all got AD for that!

OKies my back/shoulder hurts now.

lecture day

2007-05-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

Lectures was fun! Lunch was good. Having tom yum noodles from the oh so special uncle at SIM with good friends, felt like year 1 again. I must say i miss those days. I enjoyed myself! Oh! then when Kristie and i went to return her MD player, we had so much fun running up and down the hallway, waving at Felix, etc! haha, so sec school! Today was the most fun i have had in school in year 2!

Rushed back home and went to buy the stuff for dinner. I cooked! He came just as i started cooking and soon we were having dinner, just the two of us. Good conversations with good company over a good meal. The first meal i cooked for him, memories. It was nice ... ... Hmm!!

back

2007-05-08T09:29:00.000+08:00

It's been a while. I don't know if i haven't updated because i feel nothing significant happened or because i have become more private, because my thoughts, feelings and daily happenings is personal. just for those present. But anywho's im thinking i should start blogging again! Relieve stress! haha okies so... ... ...

IT"S WEEK 4 OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Unbelievable. Work is starting to pile up or rather deadlines are nearing. So monday was a hmm... let's see, enlightening, fun, and umm WORK GOT DONE! hahahah... amazing coming from me. i know you are proud. hehe. A new sem of school, new class, friendships form, closer & tighter friends, a new start, a continuation of life. Lecture is sooo boring OMG. The mic's not working so she's talking without one, and us being such diligent students are keeping oh so quiet so we can all pay attention. And she's writing on the whiteboard but i cannot see! i should have brought my glasses, damn! rights.... haha

Ok that's it for NOW!

post camp

2007-04-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

Camp was a blast! So much happened. New friends made, i got to know a lot about people i just new by face. Now i know them as a person and i got to know people i already knew better. I realised a lot about people in general during the duration of the camp, after the camp and with friends i knew forever. I learnt that you make life what you want it to be. You take a situation and you CHOOSE to look at it from that angle and you life by that choice. Its all in the way you look at it. Shit happens, it will never stop happening, that's for sure. Its all about how you take that and turn it around so that you'll be happier and a better person. So much has happened in the past year, so much! I'm glad for most of it because relationships have only grown stronger and those that disintergrated, were just not meant to be. So I choose to let go and be happy. What's your choice?

Sarah i love you so much! The talk last night meant so much to me, really...

Sleepless nights

2007-03-31T17:33:00.000+08:00

Sleepless nights, i've had quite a few this week.

The reasons behind them so very different.

But last night made all nights pale in comparison. Each moment savoured, each moment cherished.

Internet-less

2007-03-26T12:09:00.000+08:00

It will soon be a week since i have had internet access at home. The stupid people can't come till thurday evening. So here i am traveling around Singapore using the amazingly free, stable, sufficiently fast, incredible and life saving wireless@sg. Yesterday i dragged Daddy down to ParkWay so i can check my email. He's so sweet, cos he gladly obliged even though his friends were coming over for dinner that evening. We had BK, a good lunch over good conversations. Finally got the courage to squeeze in that question that has been bugging me for a while. So here i am sitting in an almost empty starbucks at East Point, Simei. I like it here, and the people are nice! Well, Starbucks people are always nice, most of the time. So i just enrolled myself in my IS module and couldn't decide on the morning or afternoon class. So what did i do? I went up to the nice starbucks guy and said "Hi! Monday morning or afternoon?" and he goes "Afternoon.". So i go "Ok, afternoon. thanks." and for some strange reason give him the thumbs up. So here i am. more people just came in. I am really hungry but i don't wanna waste money on food. Especially if i end up buying that bag. Argh! i hate this. I hate having to save up, but it isn't that bad i must say. I have been pretty good all the way up to when i saw that bag! Oh wells. In some strange way i can't wait for school to start. Hmm.. but i think we are all getting a bit sick of the Mass comm stuff. Sigh.. Don't worry i am sure we will pull through.

YOU: I am so sorry for eveything hurtful i say or do. I don't know why i act that way. But i will stop. I will do my best to stop and soon it will NEVER happen again. Maybe i am new to this whole thing, i don't know. But i do know how much you mean to me. And i regret bein such a spoilt bitch at times/moments. Forgive me?

you're such a saint.

2007-03-22T14:18:00.000+08:00

YOU are exactly who i thought you are and so much more. You tell people to grow up, maybe its time you do too. Who does what you did to someone? Who does that... Which mature individual would act that way towards a person, much less a person you don't even know. And you didn't even bother getting to know before you jumped in and judged, commented and worse TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD. So you are exactly like everyone else, you have always been a bitchy, sad, lonely, lifeless, moody, spoilt, whiney little bitch! so there. do you wann grow up? cos i love acting 7. What you gonna do about that.

Get off that fat ass

2007-03-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

So i decided it is time for me to get off my fat ass and get some work done. I started with organising my room, cleared, packed, shelved all my year 1 stuff. Got rid of books i have had since i was in primary school, which i am sure my mom will pass on to other kids who will "use" them. Briefly looked through my wardrobe and took out some stuff that i know i will never wear, and kept some i hope i'll wear some day. And now its time i start exercising again. So running in the gym or outdoors? Hm.....

sometimes

2007-03-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

sometimes things turn out so differently....

you!

2007-03-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

I hate you for what you do to him. I will NEVER forgive you for all the years of pain you have caused him and all of us, NEVER. All he has ever done is love us, provide for us, and be there. All you have ever done is cause us pain, and tears with your awful words and acts. I will never let this go. I have told you so many times how it makes me feel and you apologise and make up stupid excuses, but you never change, you never will. Just stop it please, leave. I can deal with it now, so just leave and we will all be much happier.

Argh

2007-02-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

Okay so i just got a call from Sheryl to work tomorrow, and here i thought i can sleep in. but no.... i need to get up way early to go to work. what a bumer huh?!?! but oh wells, i think its time money starts coming in rather than going out. I've been shopping way too much. ask my baby, he'd tell you. He's been nothing but a sweetheart as usual. ooh i miss him. argh! i hate that he lives so so far away. Nvm once daddy lets me drive on my own then i can drive you home baby! ok ok waiting for you to call my love...

CNY

2007-02-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

Way too much food, catching up with family, meeting up with friends, way too much laughter. I love Chinese New Year... it's good it comes around once a year.

bliss...

2007-02-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

sitting here in my primary school short and an oversized t-shirt with iced tiramisu latte in the comforts of my room with perfectly adequate wi-fi connections after dinner thinking of you while blogging is pure bliss. missing you.

I LOVE FEBRUARY...

2007-02-19T17:26:00.000+08:00

February is simply the best month of the year nest to december. And this february has been one of my best february's ever. It started off with the completion of Year 1, yea baby! Then came the 19th birthday which was spent with people i love and care about dearly. Thank you my lovelies for always being there. I love you! Then came valentines day, which for the first time in my life i had someone to celebrate it with which was nice. And then this year CNY falls in feb too! So all the visiting and eating is nice and lotsa fun. It's always nice cathing up with family and those you only see around this time of the year. I hope this is a good year! i have a feeling it will be, especially with you my baby!

My last teen year

2007-02-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

Okay so i turned 19 on saturday. and i do realise this is a well overdue post. But then again its not like anyone reads this blog anyways. But all in all i had a wonderful birthday, with little parties from those i love and care about. Thanks guys. I love you!

So raudha's gone... so sad. we miss her. and she seems really bored there, but oh wells. im sure things will improve oonce school get started. Anyways i'm just glad im done with school for this ac year. i should find a job and WORK.

alrighty then it's been a great 19 yeard of my life so thank you to all of you that crossed my path.

Loves.

yea baby!

2007-01-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

woo hoo! drove on the ECP for the first time in my life! happening! woo hoo! ahhhhhH!!!!!!! yea baby! dad said i'm quite good. may be even better than tony when he started. hahahahahha. yay!

F you!

2007-01-15T08:49:00.000+08:00

Come lets blog about every "mistake", "wrongdoings" you have made in your life. Lets start by naming eveyone in my life that i am thinking about so that the other people in my life feel left out and all those named feels special. Hmm, lets see.

Prashant
Kristle
Parthe
Ashley
Teleri
Bock
Choon Ai
Sam
Shaun

Okays what's up next. Oh yes, people change. You know how people change yes. he changed into someone i didn't really like. Then we have a conversation about how he doesn't like who has turned into and he promises me to change. I've been there and i was so happy for him for realising and for wanting to change by himself, no prompting. Because unlike you i do not bear a grudge against people for straying.

The BEST part of all is that you blog about me and then expect everything to be fine and dandy!!! YOU expect ME to come and say hello! to you... Yes. oh right... because you are the almight aren't you. Mr. I have a BIG ego.

STOP! enough! i have had enough! okay. do want you want. say what you feel. FUCK OFF!

EDIT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

and NOW you're telling people i'm ignoring you. Ya i am. SO WHAT?

thanks and goodbye

2007-01-12T15:08:00.000+08:00

You never fail to piss me off.
You don’t bother to find out, you assume.
Oh wait, you are the almighty.
You are the one everyone wants.
Who am I? I’m just me.
But you do not see me.
You never tried.
I let you do it.
I let you hurt me.
I thought I was over it.
I was wrong.
You still hurt me.
When will this stop? Soon?
I tried, maybe not hard enough. Maybe too hard.
I gave up. You didn’t stop hurting me.
Why don’t you see how much pain I’m in?
Wait, its all about you.
And still you do not see me.
So goodbye.

Pics baby

2007-01-08T09:32:00.000+08:00

those days.

the sweet lovelies.

my heater.

07

2006-12-31T11:21:00.000+08:00

last day of the year! it's been a fast one. not too bad. i liked it. so goodbye and hello 2007. you will be missed.

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

so wrong!

2006-11-20T10:10:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG i just watched a clip which is so disturbing in so many ways. An Iranian-American, UCLA student was tasered while handcuffed. Like 4/5 times! Just for not having his student pass. And he kept on screaming that he was not fighting the police but they kept on tasering him! And they kept on askiing him to stand up but because they tasered him, his muscles were relaxed and so he was immobilised for at least 5 min. and when students tried to help him and told the police to stop. they too were threated to be tasered. OMG right! what an abuse of power! i almost cried as i heard him scream at the pain the tsaer cased. EVIL i tell you. and the police did an awful job at covering up. argh! they should seriously just admit it was a bad judgment call on the officers part and fire their asses. So much of this shit happens in US its ridiculas! argh..

Every lecture this sem, after our break the theatre smells of smoke. argH! ok some idiot in the theattre just pissed me off!!! argh! ok lets not let this bother me anymore. i need to talk to prashant now! argh! bleah! argh! i need a chill pill so badly.. ok time for wentworth miller. leave me alone!!!!!

sarah khai

2006-09-28T10:37:00.000+08:00

i just read sarah's blog and gosh!!! i started crying... its funny how painful it hurts, even now, for me to see her go through something like that. .. i regret not knowing her father, not goiing to her house.. there's not a day that goes by that i do not think about her and her family. She is so strong and so... words cannot explain what amazing woman she has become. Babe, your father is so proud of you. I just know it...i am at lost for words. Something like this never heals, the scar will always be there you just learn to live with it knowing that the scar is a reminder of the good times. i am here for you, always. stay strong! i love you so much you have no idea...

sorry ya'lls

2006-09-26T11:22:00.000+08:00

sorry i know its been forever since ive blogged and to all you people i;ve made plans with and had to cancel i am so so so sorry.. i owe you. been busy with work and stuff. i am so sleepy... been working late and sleeping even later and waking up at the fucked up hours of 9am cos they're buiding ANOTHER condo like 5 metres away!!!!!!!!! i need my sleep....!!! anyways we had supper after the show at chomchomp (got "p" or not?) and i had their beancurd thingy which costs like a bomb but was damn nice lor. and we g ot free food cos oh paul and jas hahahahahha woohoo! but anyways.. it was damn funny but yarr... we've got 3 more weeks before school. so fast right??? ish! but anywhos i've decided that maybe i should start working pt permenantly but i don't think daddy will be happy with that cos as it is without school i am hardly home. but we'll see. since he wants me to work for me ipod..haha i'll reason it out with him la. but yupps. ok i have to party like siao before school starts. and meet up with the girlfriends...and boy friends... haha i didn't forget lor... bleep! i want my voice back NOW!!!!!!! i'm so going to old airport rooad tonight! ok and i just realised that i may have been spelling hardy's name wrongly..hahahahhahaha so embarressing! ok look i can't spellll so what!?!?! you understand right?? hahahah ya then ok lor. with idol over i guess things are gonna die down now. but schools starting so guess that evens out. its funny how i am still so excited about school. like siao! haha i never am and now i am like woohoo!! its funny how things work out or how they don't work out but later on you realise everything happened in that sequence for a reason. haha. okies with that said and done.

if anyone needs a job call me.

i need to get ready now and go to the bank meet the ppl for lunch then umm go for that dinner argh! okies. byes... i miss you as in, you!!

bleah

2006-08-29T02:17:00.000+08:00

Hiiii!!! haha okies... obviously hyper and its like 2 am.. okies anyways the last couple of weeks have been a blast although i haven't had the chance to do nothing yet. like every bloody day i had to be somewhere or do something. i just wanna do NOTHING...!! hahahas isn't that what the holidays are all about!?!?!?! Plus from thursday i'll be swamped with the year 2 IS module thing which i don't really feel like doing anymore. but oh wells we shall see. Anyways friday night went well, better than expected i must say. Then saturday was a blast!! went out with the sweet lovelies and yarrr a blast. i would say more but i can't remember hehehehe. okies so yupp took me like 2 days to get out of it, if you know what i mean. anyways then this weekend is coming which means more partying. oh oh oh but the GOOD thing is that when i told daddy i was going he was like why not go to womad instead but anyways then the next day he wasn't moody like he usually is when i go clubbing. so woohoo! haha i think he gets it now. so yupp okies so tomorrows is coffee with the friends then there's something else happening which i can't remember right now. okies... i shall watch some tv then go sleep... byess

its 134

2006-08-23T01:38:00.000+08:00

lets see it's 134am and here i am. sigh. ok people i have to bitch about. first you are such a loser i swear! all you do is demoralise and make excuses for yourself. seriously you are not great a whatever as you think you are. so get over yourself! ok next up is......haha ok but seriously i have totally let go of this one. as in i've made my peace gave you one more chance and you blew it so there thats it. the end. i've had enough and i'm tired of all this shit so there. go do your thing i do NOT care... hahah okies.,., omg so much for bitching huh.ok my back hurts, now that im sleeping in tony's room which does not have a desk i slouch over the bed to use this tiny, short thing that i put my baby on top of. so i think its time we buy a desk to put in this room.okies my eyes hurt.

National DAY

2006-08-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

To you: i don't even know where to begin. Ummmm... lets see. Whatever happened, whatever it was, is gone. Like i'm sure you know i will always care, but i'm just over it. Like for real this time and i don't think you know that still. I'm glad i'm over it cause as much as i tried to deny it, it was bothering me. Now, i feel free-er, happier.

One thing i realised it all of this is that love is not and should not be complicated. You either love the person or you don't. Yes yes time does have a play but that does not complicate things. It just means you're not meant to be together. haha. okay i am obviously not in love, ok i am in love just not in a romantic kind of love way. Bbut anywhos

I love national day!! i just do okay... leave me be....haha

who knew

2006-08-08T17:52:00.000+08:00

OKay so here goes. I've been talking to friends about relationships and stuff, and for the record boy am I glad I'm not in a relationship. All of them are going through some problems. ok I'm talking about BGRs here but will go on to friendships later. Anyways I've come to this conclusion a long time ago so here it is: It all boils down to timing! As in 2 people can be so right for each other but because of bad timing it does not work out. I know it sucks but its true. And another thing is that people when in a relatioinship for too long, they start like breaking up and getting back together like no body's business. Like seriously! Seriously! OKay I know I know. You are in love, but are you really? Like OKay you maylove the person but not in that way anymore. And the reason why you keep on getting back together is HABIT! Habit, that's it. Because you are so used to having each other around you cannot stand not having the other person around. However, this is NOT love. It's called routine, habit. So there! If that happens to you, no matter how painful it is maybe you should just end things once and for all. And once that happens you should NOT be friends for a while! Maybe in a couple months, but not immediately. OKay who am I, right? But its just my opinion.. so whatever. Take it into consideration or throw it down the drain. Its your life. Live it!

Okat next topic, friendship. The past like 4 months has been umm how should i put it, enlightening? And maybe not 4 months but like 1 & 1/2 years. I know when i took a year to fix what i messed up i sort of disappeared for a while, and i am sorry. No excuses. But it made me realise this all the girls continued to stand by me, even though i was not there. They never left and never stopped caring. And i love you guys so much for that. Seriously, we're like sisters i tell you! Shall i name you guys? OKay i shall haha.. The sweet loves are Sarah, Anisah, Raudha, Silvia and Daphne. I love them to bits i tell you. And Raudha i do love you. See i even gave you a special mention.. haha ya i know you're thinking wth right?

OKay.. another related topic is that people change, that's how we grow. We may change into a better person, we may regress in order to move forward. But that's life. People change... And yes, friendship, good friendship is hard to come by. And when it does we should cherish it. But sometimes it changes with time. We are so busy with our own life we forget about the past, our previous school, our previous "life". We grow apart and forget, we move on like nothing happened. But we should remember that friendship is hard to come by. Fight for the friendship if its worth fighting, if you care. And if you know you've given it your all and the person does not reciprocate then know when its time to leave it as it is and cherish what you had. Although you can never get that back. That's how the cookie crumbles.

Gosh, when i'm sick i start thinking ah... Although the brain does not work as well. hah awiat it doesn't work well sick or not. lol. But ya.. Heather was like OMG are you drunk!?!?! haha it was just the fever la! Okies love love! =)

farticle

2006-08-02T22:02:00.000+08:00

i love school.. ok no i don't. i love the people in school! hahahhahahha. anyways like i just got off the phone with J Lo.! he's the man!! sweet man, he called cos i emailed him like around 6 and he's so swift. anyways its about me baby, Jaimee(me laptop).. sigh.. anyways we'll see. okay so where was i....? i love the people in school!! ahh can't wait for the hols! its gonna be a BLAST!! anyways finally got the presentation for Con Issues done! it went quite well i should think, but i thought i was taking too long so i like talked really fast, but ended up being slightly undertimed. but anywhos. wednesday is officially declared, CHICKEN TERRIYAKI DAY!! woohoo!! haha. anyways thn had radio with yani, she rocks btw, and it was a blast! we are such idiots when it comes to technical stuff i swear. haha. but ya it was FUN! then met up with Krys and Becky! finally met her. haha. then ya then ann joined us then we went to SIM for me brownies! delight!! okies. haha i love those people! anyways the world is like super small k. i totally buy that 7 degrees thing. and like yarr.. woo hoo! finally satisfied my craving for curly fries :) sweet delight! i swear.. haha. today was awesome!!! loves.

loving every bloody moment

2006-07-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

This week on a whole has been the funnest week in school yet. Like as in yes there was a whole lot of work that had to be done and stuff but it was just plain FUN!! like it wasn't a chore or anything. i love school! okay i can't really say the week cos i still have radio and stuff tomorrow but ya you get my drift right. anyways so i went to school early today to discuss writcom before consultation. then did socpsyc in school then we went down to holland v. for the interview and stuff... then sam and i had subway and chilled at coffee bean. it was fun, like chatting and stuff yupp. anyways i feel that with every assignment i submit, or with every presentation i do, a load of my shoulder. i feel somewhat lighter. anyways i love school and everyone in it!! woo hoo!! haha okay. had drama today and we ended like seriously late, at like 10pm and like then spent like 10 minutes standing around trying to figure out who takes which cab and ya.. haha. got home at 11pm, spent like more than 12 hours in school today. and we were all super hungry so yupp, had oodles and oodles of noodles.. yumms!! anyways i shall go crash now, gotta be in school early for speech consultation.. then radio..woo hoo!! okie then loves.. see ya!

home

2006-07-23T21:27:00.000+08:00

i don't know how i can do this. i really don't. the one place i felt safe, the one place i could let my guard down, the one place i could call home, is not anymore. i really do not know how i can do this anymore. i'm so tired of everything. it's getting harder. i need guidance. oh god... i really do not know. i'm just so messed up. how?!?! it hurts so much... will someone please help me. tell me what to do. i don't want to feel anymore. i don't. i'm trying so hard to put on a happy face but its only getting harder. what should i do...

sleep

2006-07-19T12:20:00.000+08:00

updated finally.. been really busy with school and stuff. i can't wait for sem to end. i need some r&r. as you can see i removed my want list cos i don't know how to like tick it off.. if that makes any sense. ok i need sleep. k better get back to the group discussion thing.. laters!

Happy Birthday Daryll!!!! Hope you had a great memorable happy exciting surprising lovely cool birthday!!!!

doesn't really matter

2006-07-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, Shereen came by to wish Tony Happy Birthday cause she'll be busy the next couple of days. I haven't seen her in like 6 months now. Anyways i was outside my room looking for a book and she came up the stairs and i was like OMG SHEREEN! anyways we hugged and the sweet girl started tearing. Gosh! It was so sweet so we went into my room and chatted for a while. I missed her so much! She is such a dear. Anyways i have to come up with a better thesis statement for my essay. I hate WritComm!!!!!! argh! Okay we have a socpsy test later and i was trying to study in the library. but there were these stupid boys that wouldn't shut up! i swear it was so annoying! I think they were playing some computer game. Anyways i should get going now. laters.

knock on wood

2006-06-29T11:32:00.000+08:00

i am so sleepy... argentina is out of the world cup!! i'm sad. sorry kara. haha guess youwon't get to wear those shoes of yours again. so yesterday was fun! all in all it was a good day. no wait. a great day. radio was very theoretical cause we are learning how to use the software but i think next week will be more hands on. so yupps. class was fun! and i went to aaron's place and did some colouring haha...with his sister. lol and i got marker marks all over my hands. hehe eh at least i coloured between the lines k. got home around 12 ish i think. talked for 3 hours on the phone. it was good. felt like the good not so old times. haha. k so yupp. had lunch with mimi and tata. and picked up my fendi's..yay! so yupp. haha.. yawn! k i'm gonna go sleep some more.

5 months

2006-06-28T09:33:00.000+08:00

haha yay! k so they're leaving today so yupp. for some reason in the afternoon i was really moody. like i was just annoyed by everyone and everything. anyways first week of school is kind of rough. getting up in the morning is getting harder. but anyway. ok i got a B+ for my impromtu speech which is a relief cause i expected like a D. haha. so yupp. i am apparantly a B+ student, that's all i seem to be getting. but yupp. i will get an A for my persuasive speech! anyways, i don't know if you know. but it has been 5 months. 5 months. everything is different yet, everything is still that same. sigh. i still write to him every day. it's kind of weird cause i could just call him but ya. maybe i should combine them and publish a book one day haha. or give it to him. ok but ya. all's well that ends well. haha so exciting! i can't wait for radio this week! we're doing digital editing, so i'm kind of psyched about it. okay i love radio and i love felix so yupp!! hahahah! he rockS!!! so yupps. so here's to friday!

maybe

2006-06-25T02:50:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt alone? have you ever wondered why something happens? have you ever wondered why you were born into this family? have you ever wondered why love hurts so much? have you ever wondered why the sky is blue? have you ever wondered things don't work out? have you ever wondered why some friendships last while other don't. have you ever wondered?

boo hoo

2006-06-23T16:56:00.001+08:00

thailand was fun!! need i say more. and now i'm peeling!! i hate it when this happens. anyways its back to school on monday boohoo, my room's a mess again, tony's coming back tonight and umm... i love soccer! okay i know whatever. anyways so lets see i think i'm coming down with the flu which sucks and i just found out they're not showing benchwarmers in the cinemas anymore. and i was so psyched bout watching it. anyways i guess i'll just have to wait for when the dvd comes out. okie well with that said i shall get back to the oc season 3..delight!

EDIT

Ok sorry but i had to say something. i was on friendster and something like hit me when looking at my friends list. if you look under my list, go find 2 profiles and both of their primary pics has a girl kissing a guy. now click on those to profiles and tell me which ones the boyfriend and which ones the brother.. gross!! have fun!!! lol.

withdrawal symptoms

2006-06-11T15:27:00.000+08:00

ok i was bored. and joyce did it and i thought it would be fun so yupp. there it is...

Oh btw, if you hadn't said "whatever!" things wouldn't have escalated like they did. and i am so not sorry cause i didn't do anything wrong. so go away and stop thinking like you rule the world okay. you stuck of evilperson.

wow. ok didn't realise that that would feel that good. ok then with that done here's that thingy..,

(1) I am...
Tasha!
(2) My ex was..
someone i still love and will never stop loving.
(3) Maybe I should...
go die.
(4) I love....
my family, my friends, shopping, shoes, bags, him.
(5) I don't understand....
why some things happen when they happen.
(6) I lost my...
handphone in march.
(7) My girlfriends&boyfriends are.....
awesome!
(8) People say I'm...
blur, funny, blur, insane.
(9) Love is....
sometimes not enough.
(10) Somewhere, someone lucky bastard/bitch is....
umm i dunno. i don't get this one.
(11) I will always...
remain this height. damn it!
(12) Forever...
does not exist.
(13) I never want to....
gosh i'm having a hard time answering this one. i don't know. i don't think there's anything i never wanna do.
(14) I think the current President....
is fat.
(15) When I woke up in the morning...
i had to go pee.
(16) Life is full of...
shit.
(17) My past was...
my past.
(18) I get annoyed ...
when it rains.
(19) Parties are for..
me!
(20) I wish...
i had straight hair.
(21) My pet is...
daryll!!!
(22) Kisses are the worst when..
you're not in love.
(23) Today....
is sunday.
(24) Tomorrow I'm going to...
go shopping!
(25) I really want....
my own car.
(26) I have low tolerance for people who...
stink.
(27) If I had a million dollars...
i would buy me a black volkswagon beetle and then go shopping, and give some to mommy and daddy.

yeah

2006-06-10T13:05:00.000+08:00

yay the 2 week break is here! am going to thailand for like 4 days this weekend with like the whole extended family. loves. hope it doesn't rain, we wanna get a tan!! anyways i've had this thing for dresses recently. don't ask me why. i have no clue why. but ya anyways. i need more shoes for school!! like seriously i've been wearing the same pair every single day. anyways its time to shop!! i got my paragraph thingy done. thank god so i don't need to go back to hand it up. sweet! anyway, he called me and it was good. and i dreamt of him. it was weird cos i like dreamt of like 4 different dreams. all involving different people and all not connected. hmm interesting. anyways i hope to meet up with him soon but we'll see. well then i'm loving school and am loving where i am right now. so all is good. i miss mommy!

sorry

2006-04-28T09:20:00.000+08:00

i think i owe you an apology. i'm sorry. this came to me during writcom. don't ask me why. but it did. so yupps. i shouldn't have told you what i did. and i shouldn't have cornerned you like that. it was selfish and wrong of me. i don't know when i will get the opportunity to apologise to you in person, so this is all i can do for know. maybe someday you can forgive me. and i don't know why but i feel like you are angry with me. like as if you blame me for what you are going through now. but ya. i am sorry.

nothing has changed

2006-04-18T20:41:00.000+08:00

went back to school today to meet joyce. it was good. met up with some of the teachers who have helped make me, me. thanks. i still miss you. why? i have no idea. but i do. nothing has changed although everything has. in a few more months everything will change for you. and don't get me wrong i am so happy for you. it's just that nothing is going to change for me. absolutely nothing. and that's sad. to have you around again, but to have that distance between us. life's unfair huh. i've thought about it since the day we decided, you decided. i have come to a reasoning that there's a void inside of me that i thought you could fill, but you never did. how could you? when you weren't even really there. i still think about you all the time. i wonder what if this and what if that. then i always come back to this reality. the reality i never wanted to face.it's okay. everything has happened for a reason, which i do not know of just yet but i know i eventually will. nothing has changed about how i feel. why is that? i ask myself everyday...

the end.

2006-04-17T20:44:00.000+08:00

k i know i just posted an entry but i just read an email that ruined my night.
do you have any idea what it is like to be me? to live everday of my life with you telling me the things you do. have you any idea how lucky you are that i came out normal and not some pychotic bitch that thinks the world owes her a living. what have you done to me?? you have given me a home that doesn't feel like a home. you have given me a childhood filled with tears, heartache and have traumatised me by leaving for that year. and you wonder why. i love you but i really do not like the things you do at all. all my life, mom. all my life. now i can decide for myself. and i want it to stop, just stop it will you. i don't want to hear it anymore...

and that's that.

2006-04-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

so it's been a weird month. stopped working a week ago so that can have a short break before school starts next week. which i am kinda looking forward to by the way. i spent so much money on clothes and shoes and not to mention bags that i am so broke. all my hard earned money, gone. just like that. but anyways. it was money well spent. haha. k so i haven't clubbed so much in one week as i have last week. siao i tell you. siao! k anyways twohill got into s'pore idol. so exciting right!! vote for him k ppl. hmm let's see i sorta know how to use my mac now so that's good. ummm.. oh and on my way to pick up my mac we saw a dead black cat on the highway. it was so disgusting!!! ahhhh!! anyways.... went to watch the magical fundoshi yesterday and wow! it was so not what i expected it to be. i was like ooooo! but ya haha funny la. met leon's new girlfriend. nice girl. she even bought us some yummy chocolates. then while wlking around bugis i saw darren working so i went by to say hi and we chatted for a while. it was good. i didn't think the conversation would have went that well but it did. and vaish came over for a but then she kept on disappearing but ya. anyways. one more week till school so i should clean up my room and get organised. daddy has to set up my printer so i can print my timetable and stuff. oh gosh first day of school is going to be a nightmare. not knowing a single person or where my lectures are is gonna suck! but anywhos. went to city hall today and guess who i saw working at guess, rachel tan. yes people she's still the same old bitch she was in sec school. oh and yesterday i saw rebekah letchumanam at bugis and her bf and he is shorter than he looks in photos and she's uglier in person. like do something with the face girl! k sorry i'm pmsing so the bitchiness is coming out. so i'm going to go back to school to say hi to the teachers once more before school starts then im gonna watch a movie. finally!! haix i am so deprived. anyways i saw the hottest guy today. wow! i think he's indian but a fair one and let me tell you he was so so so hot! i was on the escalator going up and i couldn't take my eyes off of him. wow! but anyways that's that. and i guess love will have to wait since i can't seem to get you out of my mind or my heart! argh! laters.

changes

2006-03-01T09:27:00.000+08:00

ok i don't know where to begin. the past week or rather month has been full of ups and downs. and like the downs were really low and the ups were like not so high. sigh. i found out stuff about people i respected and admired and now i don't know how to look at them anymore. how do you continue doing what you do, after you have done something like that to someone you love? i will never comprehend. you shouldn't be in the line you are in, you are in no position to guide people to become a better person or whatever it is you attempt to do. sigh. i don't judge you for it i am sure you have your reasons for doing what you did. reasons i will never hear of or understand and i can respect that. just know that what you did hurt a lot of people who actually do love you. and to think you actually like planned the whole thing right from the beginning is a real shocker. i mean i thought those kind of things only happen in movies, or like not in singapore. but well i was proven wrong. sigh.

premonition: i see this being a very long entry.

okay enough said on that issue. now here's what going on with me. all of us are constantly changing. every second the world is changing. things are happening. our cells are dying and recreating new ones. people are dying and babies are being born. we are changing into a different person, good or bad, you decide. but who is to say you are a bad person or a good person. i was talking to auntie sheila on the phone last night and she is involved in the prison ministry. like she goes to the prisons in texas and talks to the inmates. btw, the state of texas is known for sentencing the most of criminals to death. she recently went to hunsville(is that how you spell it?), which is a jail in texas which is known to be like hard-core. anyway she went into the solitary confinement block and got to see where they stay and stuff. and i mean she has met inmates whom are in there for 8 months cos they wrote a fake prescription or are in there cos they murdered their husband. but when you talk to them they are normal human beings who are sweet looking and down right nice people. something must have driven them to do what they did. that in just one moment of anger or frustration or desperation or greed they acted rashly and now are paying the price for it. and who are we to judge them. we are no one. the lady who murdered her husband may have been abused by him, a rapist may have been sexually abused by someone they trusted when they were a child. all these things do happen to people. it may not be totally their fault, and they have their reasons;i am sure, but who are we to judge them. these people were all once innocent children who have a family, parents, people who love and care about them. people who thought they would never be capable of doing such an act. but you have to understand that we don't know what happen to them to make them that way. ok enough said on that.

but what i wanted to say but got side-tracked was. people change, things change. that's how we grow and stuff. and i am a creature that detests change. i love routine. why? because change is scary. routine is easy, you go about the same thing and it becomes comforting. change takes you outside of your comfort zone. it pushes you to your limits. but change can be good. i mean who doesn't want a pay increment, right? that's change, you're earning more. but no really. so much is changing in my life right now that i just don't know how to deal with it anymore. too much at the same time. it's too overwhelming but i will believe. i believe He has sent me this test because he knows i am capable of handling it. i have faith. i have to admit sometimes i do stray, sometimes i question Him when i know i should just trust.

k next issue is how do you mend a broken heart? okay i am not even sure if my heart is broken. haha i know, tell me about it. the people around me all think that i have fallen in love with him, but how do you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back? and is that even possible? i know i like him, and a lot at that. i do care about him. but love him? i don't know. maybe it is easier for my friends to see that i am in love. and how do you stop falling in love with someone? is there a potion i can take? cos i would do anything for a drop of that. the hurt i feel is just too painful.

uncertainty is what makes life interesting. not knowing what is going to happen next. if you think about it each of us are living our very own soap opera. see the paragraph before this was a bit weird for me to type out or to say it. cos it just sounds so high school crush, or so trivial, or so you know what i mean right? but ya okay i don't know where i am going with this so yupps. laters.

just as i am

2006-02-22T03:38:00.000+08:00

i attempted to edit a post or something like that and ended up deleting it. but any who, doubt anyone even reads it so yarr.. muahaha. sigh. you know i always believed that everything happens for a reason, and i still do. but sometimes when things happen you wonder why now, why today, why me. then a few days or weeks later you realise why it happened and you are thankful that it did. then there are times when you will never fully understand why it happened but look at it this way. if there is no death, there can be no life; if there is no evil, there can be no good; if we are never sad, we will never know what it is like to be happy. so sometimes we just need to believe that things will work out. have faith. easier said than done. you know everything really does happen for a reason not by accident or by coincidence. there is a reason why new movies are released on thursdays and not on any other day. there is a reason why you cross paths with the same person year after year until you finally go up and say hi. there is a reason why we all make mistakes. okay enough said. later loves.